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Just some positive quotes for a rainy Tuesday #edfighters 🌦️ Comment anything youd like me to write a post on😘 Keep fighting, keep thriving! Thinking of you! Love you guys❤️❤️ #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #recoverforfriends #recoverforfamily #recovertogether #recoverforlife #youcandothis #youarebeautiful #beat #anorexiakills #positivity #bethebiggerbully #anorexiaisnotmyfriend #mentalhealthawareness

I think everyone deserves to hear this: Thankyou for being alive. Thankyou for being you. Thankyou for being so kind. Thankyou for being so strong. Thankyou for never giving up. Thankyou for being brave. Thankyou for trying. Thankyou for pushing through. Thankyou for caring. Thankyou for waking up everyday. Thankyou for getting dressed. Thankyou for getting out of bed. Thankyou for showing the world how amazing you are in your own way. Thankyou for being part of my journey. Thankyou for supporting me. Thankyou for loving me. Thankyou for loving yourself. Thankyou for fighting your demons each and every day. Youre incredible. Youre worth it. Youre loved. Youre special. You DESERVE life. ❤️ #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #anorexiakills #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #rec #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #recoverforfamily #recoverforfriends #recoveryisworthit

. . Anorexia convinces you that youre beautiful. But theres no beauty in bones. . Those bones are proof of your own mortality. They are a sign that your bodys starting to shut down and give up. They cause strangers to stop, point and stare. They make you shiver uncontrollably on what is just a typically mild day. . Those bones make you stand out. But for all the wrong reasons. Those bones scream to the outside world that youre anorexic. That youre seriously unwell. Mentally ill. Physically ill. Fragile. Frail. . Everyone can see it except for you. Where they see protruding hips and collar bones, you see only fat. But can they all really be so wrong? . They tell you that you look close to death. They tell you youre emaciated and oh so pale. They tell you that the lights gone off behind your eyes. They tell you that theyre terrified you wont make it. Theyre terrified youre lost forever. . And yet you still feel invincible. Youre not that thin or that ill. Theyre all overreacting. Cant they see how big you are and how much you eat? You only wish you could see your bones instead of these layers of fat.... . But thats the very lie that is anorexia. It screws with your mind. Your brain. Your body. It lies to you and it attempts to lie to everyone else. Except youre the only one who believes it. . But this isnt you. At least not the real you. The person you were before being taken over by this insidious illness. That person was popular, funny, intelligent, ambitious, kind, loving, creative and so much more. You could have been anything you wanted to be.... . ....and you still can. Just as long as you give up this sick illness thats messing with your head. Its holding you back. Its imposing limits on you. Its dragging you down. . ITS KILLING YOU. . Trust me, theres no beauty in bones ✨💖💫 . . . #saynotoanorexia #standuptoanorexia #staystrong #keepfighting #anorexiaiskillingme #anorexiakills #bonesdontequalbeauty

. . You dont deserve to be here, at least thats what you believe. You want to get smaller, to take up less space. So you starve, you purge, you exercise and you punish your poor, frail body. . Every day you get thinner, you get lighter. And yet the guilt, the sadness, the hopelessness, the disgust, the despair, the sense of failure and the loneliness just wont disappear. The scales say youre lighter but you feel heavier than ever before. The tape measure says youre thinner and yet the mirror tells you something else. Maybe if you try just a little bit harder, lose a little bit more weight, take up even less space... . But every kilo you lose steals away a bit more of you. You become more depressed. You have less energy. You isolate yourself from the people who care about you most. You lose your sense of humour and your happiness. You throw away opportunity after opportunity. You feel left out. Youre slowly dying inside and yet life goes on without you. . Is this what you REALLY want? Probably not, but you feel helpless to fight back. Your strength and determination have been slowly sapped away by this insidious illness. Friends have moved on and youre left behind. Those close to you are preparing for the worst. Strangers stare aghast in the street. Doctors issue dire and stark warnings. . The outcome seems inevitable. Youre to join the 25% of sufferers who die prematurely as a result of anorexia. Some so tragically young. Promising lives cut short. . But it doesnt have to be this way. Anyone can recover. The length of your illness, the severity, your age, your social situation and the number of hospital admissions bears no reflection upon your ability to recover. You can ALWAYS recover if you want it enough. . Becoming ill is not your fault but recovery is a choice. A choice anyone can make. . Choose life, choose recovery ✨💖💫 . . . #chooselife #recoveryisachoice #anorexiakills #anyonecanrecover #itdoesnthavetobethisway #losingyou #anorexiaisntlife #livelife

These pictures may be shocking especially for my friends! 😢But this is my story about eating disorder.😧I had anorexia nervosa ca. 6-7 years ago. I hated myself. It has continued that I dont like myself even nowadays but everyone has said I look better now. My weight was 36kg ...😱(Im 168cm tall)and is now 80kg so I guess everyone will get it how uncomfortable it feels for me and just few weeks ago one bitch called me fat. FAT.😔 It hurt.It really hurt because I just had started to like myself.I often watch these pics and CRY cause Im not beautiful and thin anymore😢I know Im beautiful but theres bittersweet feelings. I dont want to anyone go thru that hell when you check your weight all the time and run like crazy and dont eat. I know what it feels like. If you want to say something to me private,please send me PM!🤗 I have again started to feel fine in my own skin and I do sports and drop weight but not too much. I have friends like @elina.hailie and my love Joonas watching over me and other beloved ones too. ❤I thank all of them who helped me when I needed it 🙄(was there friends who were worried but i dated one psychopath who made this even worse and burned bridges to all of them.He liked it when I just became more skinnier..)...problem is there was no one who tried to solve my problem thats why Im still so fucking insecure😧 Thanks to everyone for reading this, I try to love myself and the love grows every single day. Im surviving from this shit Ill know it!😊 Even though I have few centimetres too much on my waist or too much weight showing on scale I dont mind and think Im pretty and I dont have to be skinnier to love myself!💗 Peace and love!🙏❤Remember, youre not alone. I maybe were but looks dont matter as much as the brains!!🤗it is what it is. You can survive it if you dont have anyone to talk to then talk to me. 💗🙏 #survivedanorexia #anorexianervosa #badhealth #tooskinny #skinny #nowbetter #ilovemyfriends #anorexiakills #tryingtolovemyself #ilostweight #hurt #ifeelfat #eatingdisorderrecovery #talktome #justskinandbones #mystory #peaceandlove #shocking #wecansurvivethis #yourenotalone #dontcallmefat #scars #trauma #helpingothers #disease

Perfection is an ideal, not a reality. Its unachievable, Especially when you have an eating disorder as the goal posts will keep moving further away. #anorexiarecovery #anorexiakills #bulimiarecovery #perfectionisntreal

My message to #khloekardashian and everyone else #shakesisfake #anorexiakills

I just got this little letter and necklace from my cousin:( I’m crying this is so cute, she knows how hard I’m struggling and actually sent me this per post.

I cannot believe it has been 3 years since your passing. Yes we met in bad circumstances but our time together, our inpatient days, sharing our worries together, watching the twilight sagas, and friendship meant the world ❤️❤️❤️ You were an amazing, beautiful person whos sprit will never be forgotten. Your death and going to your funeral may not of given me any incentive to recover but it sure as hell is one of the main reasons today why I am fundraising and working my ass off to encourage others to seek help immediately and not suffer in silence ❤️❤️❤️ To think not so long ago it could have easily been me with you scares me. But that gives me that fire to keep fighting and not look back 💪🔥 #gonebutneverforgotten #lifeistooshort #earlyintervention #anorexiakills #bebrave #youarenotalone #speakup #fightforthelifeyoudeserve #nevergiveup #raisingawareness #recoveryispossible #eatingdisorders #unicorn🦄

Everything is better when youre in recovery from Anorexia and not still deep in. You feel healthier, look healthier, are happier, can stand without fainting, you can finally stop shutting everyone out and actually enjoy dinner out with other people. Plus in the case of women, you get your boobs back, I missed my boobs!! #strongnotskinny #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexiakills #strongnotskinny

OK #edfamily lets talk liquid calories whilst you stare horrifyingly at what Im like when Im drunk😂 (Im really funny😏 and like to bust a move😉) So liquid calories...this was something I found fairly difficult to overcome at first, however like many 19/20 year olds I love a good drink! (obviously safely and responsibly!😏) And I overcame it by realising that having X many drinks on a Saturday night out doesnt miraculously change your weight, I drank so so much on holiday but continued to eat as many meals and snacks as I wanted, and I came back and hadnt gained any weight! And Im a strong believer in enjoying yourself... So why deprive yourself of a good night by panicking about calories? Liquid calories dont count in a daily intake, they are not an excuse to skip a meal, and they are certainly not going to make you gain irrational amounts of weight. Life is far too short, and you need some stories to tell in the retirement home when youre old and grey, so why not make them exiting? Your teenage years will soon slip by, enjoy them whilst you can! If I hadnt of wanted to go out drinking, I wouldnt have been to see the phenomenal @piratesreloaded (totally recommended) and met the fucking fantastic @djlittleliam 😍 and the actors from the show! Its a memory Ill always remember! Anyone got any good drunken memories theyd like to share? Lets drop the stigma on liquid calories and have a vodka and red bull on me😉 love you lots angels💕 #anorexia #recoverforfamily #recovertogether #recoverforlife #recoverforfriends #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #comparisonphoto #comparisonpic #positivity #ptsdrecovery #lovefood #loveyourself #selflove #youcandothis #youarebeautiful #beat #anorexiakills #positivity #bethebiggerbully #anorexiaisnotmyfriend #mentalhealthawareness

Know the signs save a life. #anorexiakills #ed

Is this really what you want to happen to you? #edfighter #anorexiakills

Hello #edfamily I hope we are all safe and well🌻My next post may be a slightly controversial one, however I feel it is of paramount importance to write. It is about instagram. As you know from the BBC clip, Instagram has been fundamental to my recovery, its been a fantastic forum to share my journey, and receive support and guidance. At times my instagram has been negative, but now it is very very positive... But it has always been 100% honest. The downside to this wonderful platform, are people who abuse the privileges and create an account that may be extremely triggering and harmful to others. These are the pro ana accounts. As well as these, are the recovery accounts that are possibly not completely devoted to recovery yet. At no point do I say my account isnt triggering, it may be if you scroll far enough or look at comparison pictures. But with my account you see progress, mental and physical progress. I have eaten what I have shared, my weight had gone up slowly but surely, and my mentality is much healthier. The point of this message is I want the best for all of you, each and every one, and I dont want your progress knocked by those who dont want recovery, and dont necessarily want it for others either. These accounts can have devastating effects, and really are not good for your state of mind seeing all these thinspos ect. As well as accounts where lots of food is posted, but over the years their weight has stayed extremely low. This gives a false sense of recovery, and they may not even be recovering at all. Obviously this doesnt apply to all, but genuine recovery requires weight gain if the person is malnourished, and thats a fact. It can be very slow, or very quick, but to be in true recovery it has to happen. You #edwarriors are strong enough Im sure to decide, but please dont surround yourself with destruction. Follow accounts that will benefit you! Accounts that are positive! Accounts that show the light at the end of the tunnel! Accounts that make recovery out to be as beautiful as it is! Love yourself, put yourself first, and stop surrounding yourself with negativity♥️ love you all dearly💖 #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible

I’m back from my vacation and everything’s just going down hill. I lost 1 kg and my parents are so disappointed and angry. We were at the doctors today and I’m probably going inpatient. But I don’t get why my parents are angry with me I mean I’m trying so hard but they don’t fucking understand. They’ll never understand what I’m feeling and what I’m really going through. They just simply think I don’t wanna eat.. I hate everything. I don’t want this life anymore

Think it twice before calling a girl fat... #anorexiakills #imprettythewayiam #live #dontintimidate #women

breakdown guys, I’m not allowed to go to the gym anymore. I hate everything. I hate this disease. I hate my life. But mostly I hate myself for giving anorexia the chance to destroy me. It’s not only the thing about not going to the gym it’s also that I’m not living freely anymore. Other people are deciding what I should do and what I should eat. This isn’t life. This is hell I’m living in.

So #edfamily Im in bed poorly😣 (Sinusitis and chest infection) so I thought Id do the post about my family🌟 My family are phenomenal, absolutely incredible, I can only hope one day that I can show them how appreciative I am. I really havent made it easy for them, but theyve stuck by me throughout my journey. So heres my favourite recovery moments with them: Dad- I was in A&E (making bad choices) and refused the menu... Dad then picks it up looks at it and asks for the nurse for a portion of bread and butter pudding😂 to this day I still remember, as he made me laugh for the first time in weeks❤️ Mum- Cuddling on the hospital beds! Mum would spend all day everyday with me in hospital, and always used to jump on the bed next to me and cuddle me to sleep❤️ Nan and grandad- Nan and grandad used to bring a little fold away board game matt, it had 4 games including snakes and ladders, and I remember us all getting a little too competitive 🤔❤️ And Mittens and boots- When I was inpatient, mum and dad would put the phone on loudspeaker so the cats could hear me, and I can always remember them meowing down the phone😊 I love my little family of 7🌹 I couldnt have asked for more fantastic people to raise me. I know that I wouldnt be walking this earth if it hadnt been for them❤️ and for those who dont have a strong family, just know, I do have more biologically related family but not that I would plaster over social media for being amazing. Most of the extended family I dont talk to, because not all family are nice or kind or caring. Not all family put their efforts into you, or worry about you, not all family deserve your time. But fuck off the ones that dont, and treasure the ones that do, because youll never find diamonds that shines so brightly💎 Love you to the moon and back🌙 #family #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #comparisonphoto #comparisonpic #positivity #recoverforfamily #recoverforlife #recoveryquotes #recoveryispossible #bethebiggerbully #loveyourself #loveyourbody #selflove #youcandothis #youarebeautiful #beat #anorexiakills #beateatingdisorders #recoveryaccount #realrecovery

I feel like in these past weeks my eating disorder has been getting worse and worse so I thought this account may help but tbh it doesn’t. I’m not living I’m just existing. I’m always crying, I don’t have any strength, I’m always cold even when it’s 30 degrees and I don’t have any motivation left. I distanced myself from a lot of people.. and if you still think anorexia is just about wanting to lose weight or to stay skinny then you’re so wrong. Anorexia is a mental illness that kills you on the outside and inside. Anorexia isn’t you’re friend it’s your worst enemy.

Hello #edwarriors 🏝️ its me from #palmademallorca 🌊 Just a little message to say Im okay!😊 Having an absolutely fantastic time😍 and I thought Id share some photos from today(I couldnt do the full splits because Ive hurt my leg in #magaluf but thats a story for another post😂) I have soooooo much to show you guys!!!!💪 But Im off for now to enjoy my last day tomorrow and come back Sunday😞 love you all lots and lots, so many posts to come so stay tuned and turn those notification alerts on.. Youre going to want to see this😉and please please please copy this, share it, screenshot and story it, I want as many people as possible to see how incredible recovery is💕 love you all #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #recoverforfriends #recoverforfamily #recovertogether #recoverforlife #recoverforholidays #recoverywin #recoveryispossible #anorexiakills #recoveryisbeautiful #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bikinigirl #ocean #sea #palmanova

Death::grief::loss . . They say it gets easier. And some days I don’t think of death or grief. But when it hits, it hits like a ton of bricks. My heart is broken. A life taken too soon, by this evil disease of an #eatingdisorder. A life that changed so many life’s, including my life. 7 months spent together, fighting our demons, finding recovery together, laughing and crying together, and sharing secrets together. . . My heart may ache, and I may have bawled my eyes out. But I’m choosing to remember the good. The lives changed from Christen. M life was better because she was in it. The laughter that would make you laugh. Because her laugh was contagious. The jokes she shared. The acceptance she gave anyone and everyone. The love she gave. The nights she answered my phone calls at 2am. The encouragement. I love you Christen. . . I know you’re enjoying another birthday (32) in heaven. Dancing and making people laugh. And being YOU!!!! You made me a better person. I will fight because of you. I will keep on choosing recovery daily because of you. I will not give up, even though some days seem easier too. You’re a beautiful soul! . . I will finish on this note: I hate that addiction takes peoples lives. And it hurts. But it’s a motivator to continue on. To keep fighting. To not give up.

Post 2! Weight gain🤔 Now, I will never deny that weight gain is terrifying. It is. So lets talk through it.. Firstly you begin to realise you can no longer fit your hand round your arms. You see the thigh gap starting to fade. Its all happening too quick. Youre overwhelmed. PAUSE. Is it happening too quick? In reality, YOU dont get to decide how fast it happens. Everyone is different, but YOUR BODY is trying to put the weight on quickly as its trying to protect you. It wants you to be healthy quicker to prevent long term damage. All your body ever wants to do is protect you, and now your starting to see a joey pouch (weight round your belly) here we go again! Another protective storage mechanism. Thats your bodys way of saying until I can trust you to feed me enough and regularly Im just going to keep a reserve right here to keep your organs going. That reserve can sit there for up to 2years! But dont worry, it will go. And by this point your skin cells and muscle tissue are replenishing more and more towards its normal cycle, the electrolytes are balancing themselves, youre getting stronger. You go through a chubby phase, this is mostly water. Your body is doing all it can to re nourish you. But soon, the water disperses, the weight begins to shift, you begin to feel more confident. You get a bum, you cant see the bones, you have less and less reminders of what she did to you. Your skin is glowing, you have more energy. And most importantly you are healthy. And last but not least... You are you again, no longer in her suffering. Im always here guys, remember that❤️ #anorexianervosa #weightgain #anorexiakills #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #comparisonphoto #comparisonpic #positivity #ptsdrecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #recoveryispossible #recoverforfamily #recoverforlife #recoveryquotes #recoveryisworthit #bethebiggerbully #youcandothis #positivity #ptsdrecovery #lovefood #loveyourself #selflove

Hey #edfamily 😊 wanted to show you some photos from a little photo session me and @j.mumma had! It was a lovely way to show how proud of myself I am, get in touch with nature🌿🐝 and have some fun with mum❤️ Thank you all for the support you give me! This instagram account is truly part of my life. It gives me a huge purpose! I love looking through and seeing what youre all up too, and I love seeing you all get better 😍 I have complete and utter strength in every single one of you! Youre all so so strong and brave, its phenomenal and theres nothing you cant do! Keep fighting and power through 🌟 I promise its greener on the other side✨ love you💖 #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #anorexiakills #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #loveyourself #beconfident #bestong #staystrong #bethebiggerbully #bodypositivity #bodypositive #intouchwithnature #photoshoot #aztecprint #blondey #recoverforfamily #recoverforfriends #recoveryisworthit

Right guys! Food/what I eat: So its actually difficult to remember to take photos of what I eat now a days🙄 so heres a few! I eat...alot. Im always going out to dinner with my boys! Do I count any calories? No. Do I restrict? Absolutely not! But if I have a bad stomach Ill have dinners like picture 5, jacket potato, or pasta for a few days before I have a greasy burger. But for me, thats OK. I am weight restored, meaning I can judge myself whether I eat too little or too much. Its called balance, and its a wonderful skill to have. Every individual eats different amounts, but if you are NOT weight restored you will need to eat more to get yourself back to healthiness❤️ Remember food is to be enjoyed! Explored! Created! Food is a beautiful masterpiece! Its something that awakens your senses and taste buds! Food keeps you alive, keeps your bones developing, your muscles repairing, your cells replenishing, your hair nourished, your nails strong, your heart beat steady and so much more. Your body needs food to fuel its self, and food is not the enemy! Food is not only health benefits, its social too! Some of the best bonding time is over food! For example cake at a party, a meal for someones birthday, cookies at a toddlers tea party! By avoiding food, you not only miss the nourishment, you miss the laughter and the bonding time with loved ones❤️ if theres anything I regret, its not having enough ice cream with my grandad these past years but Im changing that! And you can too! But dont just eat to live... Live to eat💪 and if youre like me, drink 6 cups of coffee with sugar in a day, youll always be bouncing 😉 post any questions for me below guys😘😘 #anorexia #fooddiary #anorexiakills #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #recovered #positivity #foodisamazing #lovemunch #lovefood #loveyourself #selflove #youcandothis #youarebeautiful #beat

(TW) Lost again on weight. Today just 200grams, but have so badly stomach pain and my weight is terrible. 35,6kg. How am I gonna deal with that? #recoverymust #edfighter #anorexiakills #helpme

Thanks Facebook for this throwback!....this haircut... inspired by wanting men to acknowledge me something as more than pretty, and wanting women to take me seriously... and my poor, poor brows😱 #anorexiakills #throwback #flashback #unreal #shorthair #blondie #blondelife #🖤

Boyz havin’ a blast in the pool🍆🙊💦 #migos #royalwedding #blacklivesmatter #compost #anorexiakills

Wasnt sure what picture to put so please enjoy a picture of me and my absolutely gorgeous god daughter❤️❤️ So!!! Here are my next 4 posts in order of votes! 1.what I eat 2.weight gain 3.self care 4.family AND..... I will do my giveaway after those 4 posts! (because Im undecided what to do yet🤔) Exiting!!!!! 😍 Keep your eyes peeled warriors! And in the mean time, keep yourselves safe, Im always here for you❤️❤️❤️ #anorexia #recoverforfamily #recovertogether #recoverforlife #recoverforfriends #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #comparisonphoto #comparisonpic #positivity #ptsdrecovery #lovefood #loveyourself #selflove #youcandothis #youarebeautiful #beat #anorexiakills #positivity #bethebiggerbully #anorexiaisnotmyfriend #mentalhealthawareness

BOO😱 Ah dont get too scared its only me😏 I say that, but looking at these pictures IS kinda scary. So lets begin with the comparison photos, I love being able to make comparison photos! And they are so beneficial if they are used in a positive way! I completely understand that when people compliment you, if you cant see it, you wont believe it. So prove it to yourself! #comparisonpic is the one thing that you (or the anorexia) cant disprove! Go on, give it a go... Can you honestly tell me I look better before🤔 no! Because putting the pictures side by side will draw you first into looking at the scary one where I look gaunt and thin and frail, then your eyes will divert you to the now pictures, and notice the healthy proportions compared to the bones, the glowing skin rather than the acne, thicker hair, better smile... And BOOM! Point proven😏 Comparison pictures are an amazing way to look at your progress in times that you may need a boost, they are a way of seeing two very different times in your life and making an affirmed decision to which one you prefer. Do I prefer going to the gym for hours a day? Absolutely not! Personally, I havent been to the gym since that photo, because I hate it! Id much rather be eating steak and putting instagram stickers on my car😏 My point is, anorexia believes the skinnier you are, the more beautiful you look, and she can tell you that people calling you pretty are lying to you.. But can photographs lie? Disprove her, prove yourself👊 Id love to see any of your comparison pics so please do tag me in them warriors👈 Im right here beside you and will help you all the way🎈 and if anyone on this account drives past my car give me 3 beeps and Ill know its one of my #fighters 💪 #anorexia #recoverforfamily #recovertogether #recoverforlife #recoverforfriends #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #comparisonphoto #comparisonpic #positivity #ptsdrecovery #lovefood #loveyourself #selflove #bodypositivity #thicc #bethebiggerbully #motivation #quotes #selfcare #youcandothis #youarebeautiful #beat #anorexiakills

Cant believe Im turning 20 tomorrow surrounded by everyone I love 😍 (and @danielleskiltonblog and god squish who I dont have a selfie with🙄and many others!) lifes really given me some pretty awful cards to play this year😞 but Im battling on and Im so exited for tomorrow and simply ford with @thedivisioncarclub and papa on Sunday! Really feeling positive tonight 😊 #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #edrecovery #anorexiakills #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #birthdaygirl #exited #withmyboyfriend #withmyfamily #throwback #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #lovefood #loveyourself #selflove #simplyford #birthday #godchildren #bestfriends #family #buzzing #lovemyjob

Hey Bub, today marks 6 months since you have been gone. I can tell you, you are the last I think of at night and the first when I wake but life is very different without you around. April has been a hard month as 6 months confirms you didn’t just go on holidays, perhaps it was the first month it started to feel real. When it happened, I wasn’t sure how life would play out. There are times I think of you and laugh and smile at our memories (that time we performed “whip it” with the emergency fire hats - got in trouble and couldn’t contain our laughter whilst being lectured - like pretty sure we wet our pants) and other times I can be walking along or in the middle of Yoga, think of something little and the tears will come but have put that into making change. I have become one of Gang of Youths biggest fans - yeah fan girl and all! You always let me know you are around with warm little goosebumps though. Your mum and I have become close and this I am forever grateful for. I tell her about your prime days (yes I tell her everything, always get carried away with too much info) and she tells me about when you were little. We still keep you alive. Mab points to your photo and remind her of her God Mum, Aunty Bec. Even though you gone we still a team. See you in my dreams, I love falling asleep to see you ❤️❤️ Miss and Love you Bec - Mab & Lex (we still the one syllable club) x . . #becspam #6months #love #bff #sisters #eatingdisorders #edrecovery #anorexiakills #health #gorgeous #rip #mentalhealthawareness #nutrition #brisbane #brisbaneblogger #forever #nondiet #bestfriends #mentalhealth #wellness #bodypositive #butterflyfoundation

Anorexia nervosa is a rare illness, and its the deadliest of mental illnesses with 5% possibility of death. 💀 Even though its rare, people recognise it, but only few really understand it. The illness is like a parasite feeding on the patients starvation. Any healthy eating habits and thoughts get turned into twisted ideas, it causes anxiety and fear and thus, rejection of healthy habits.😶 Recovery is the illnesss enemy, and it will do anything in its power to survive. But if it survives, the patient will eventually die.😓 So if you think you or your friend might have an eating disorder, please get help. You can recover. dont let that awful parasite of an illness win. you can do this and you are worth it❤️ ~J~ #anorexiakills #anorexicgirl #anorexicboy #anorexiarecovery #ana #mia #mentalillnessisreal #mentalhealth #mentalillnessawareness #mentalhealthawarenes #endthestigmaofmentalhealth #endthestigmaofmentalillness #endthestigma #youarenotalone #itsoktonotbeok #itsokaynottobeokay #anxietydisorder #depression #panicdisorder #eatingdisorder #anorexianervosa #bulimianervosa #bingeeatingdisorder #ednos #chronicfatiguesyndrome #youarebrave #youarestrongerthanyouthink

Having a lot of setbacks with my recovery this week. I’m feeling discouraged but trying to stay positive and think healthy! #edrecovery #eatingdisorderrecovery #smallsteps #teamrecovery #anorexiakills #fightingmydemons #healthysnack #healthylifestyle #justkeepswimming

Good/disgustingly wet and rainy afternoon babies!😂😋 Youve probably noticed Ive started to post more regularly... And why you ask? BECAUSE I MISS YOU GUYS😌and obviously I love you all so much and want you to be safe and happy and healthy😊 SO to cheer you up if youre feeling down I thought Id show you some pictures of today! It was the Wheels day show! I came back like fucking soaked and muddy😥but it was so worth it! I was in my element😍 And because I have some FABULOUS CHUNK on me now.. I wasnt freezing stiff!🎉 (perks of recovery😉) and because Ive done so much walking Im STAAARRRVING so me and @jamiewheeler54 are going out for a meal later and I cant wait😍 and remember #edwarriors thats OK! If you have a particularly busy day, you will most likely be more hungry! So listen to your body! Because its speaking sense😘 it needs extra nutrition to help repair your muscle tissue and replenish your cells, so be kind to yourself💗 Im going out drinking tomorrow night too! 🎉 so ill be resting before! No matter how lovely youve been recovered you still need to treat yourself nicely😘 love you! #anorexia #recoverforfamily #recovertogether #recoverforlife #recoverforfriends #recoveryisworthit #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #anorexiakills #anorexianervosa #recoverforfriends #recoveryispossible #positivity #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bethebiggerbully #anorexiaisnotmyfriend #youcandothis #youarebeautiful #beat

Good evening babies😴Im so tired! But its half term after tomorrow🎉 I need a rest😩 but hey! Just a post about the journey of recovery. Recovery isnt straight forward, its not a smooth easy ride. It isnt a walk in the park, and it CERTAINLY isnt a quick fix. Recovery is a decision. And a life choice. You need to be 100% committed. Youll need to be brave, and patient with yourself. Saying that, you also need to allow yourself to have bad days because youre human! Someone without an ED even has bad days.. So of course you fighters will do too! Let yourself scream and cry when you need to! But let yourself be happy in the good moments! Basically, what Im trying to say is.. This is YOUR RECOVERY. So it wont be the same as anyone elses, but thats a good thing. It means you can learn how your brain works, and youll grow as an individual. Take your time. Dont push yourself too hard. Allow yourself time and space to just take a breath and calm. You can. You will. This is your recovery. And only you can can get yourself upto the starting line and ready to go. I believe in you all babies, youll get there! Im sat at the finish line waiting for you all💗 #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #recoverforfamily #recoverforlife #recoveryquotes #recoverforboobs #recovertogether #recovertolive #youcandothis #positivity #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bethebiggerbully #anorexiaisnotmyfriend #youcandothis #youarebeautiful #beat #anorexiakills

This really puts things into perspective. In the first photo was fake happiness, pain masked behind makeup and a fake smile. Even to smile, my jaw ached, and I could hear my bones scraping inside my face. My skin was aged, my lips were dry. And now? I have cheeks! Actual cheeks! No wrinkles that make me look old before my time.. No scraping bones.. No glazed eyes... No weak and broken hair.. No horrendous spots.. Im free! Free from the pain, free from the misery, free from the nightmare, free from anorexia. This #progresspicture should also highlight how anorexia lies to you. In the first photo she told me I looked beautiful, she said everyone was jealous of my looks because I was so thin. Dont trust her. She doesnt think to mention about how dehydrated and sick you look. She wont tell you that you look Awful! Anorexia isnt your friend. She never was. And never will be. #throwback #progresspic #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoveryispossible #recoverforfamily #recoverforlife #recoveryquotes #recoverforboobs #recovertogether #recovertolive #youcandothis #positivity #bodypositive #bodypositivity #bethebiggerbully #anorexiaisnotmyfriend #youcandothis #youarebeautiful #beat #anorexiakills

You guys are hearing from me twice in one week you lucky buggers😉😋 hehe anyway!!! I will be doing a LIVE Q&A at 10am SATURDAY MORNING! So schedule me in your busy diaries😉 and please please PLEASE post any questions below‼️↘️and parts of my live video will even be part of the TV Documentary! How exiting😁 thats my first news! Second news for any of you local, or interested in cars, or just want to explore the car world, like I said on my last post should get yourselfs to The Division meet! All us admins have been working non stop to make this meet happen! And its confirmed! Sunday the 22nd of April 7pm at Farnborough gate! 🎉 the more the merrier! Find The Division on Facebook and the event will be on there! Its all go go go in my life right now angels and it feels FUCKING FANTASTIC😀 Ive worked so hard to get here and like everyone told me, climbing the mountain was a task but the view is 100% worth it! Love you all so so much 😍 #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #ptsdrecovery #ptsdawareness #fuckingepic #loverecovery #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recovertogether #recovertolive #recoverforfamily #recoverywin #recoveryhumor #anorexiaisnotmyfriend #anorexiakills #bethebiggerbully #loveyourself #selflove #selfcare

Hello gorgeous #edfamily 💞 My update! Work is going amazingly! So much so Ive decided to begin to train as a primary school teacher rather than just a 1-1 and I will then go on to specialise as SENCO! Our car group The Division (ill tag all the admins) has over 3k members! And Ive spoken to @beatingeatingdisorders who are sending me a fundraising pack as we are devoting a car meet to raising awareness for eating disorders💪(details to come) also my filming for BBC3 hopefully begins at the start of April! My PTSD therapy begins soon also, but Ill tell you that later. Ive put up some more comparison photos! Reason being because I think its very important to reflect on what we have achieved! No matter how big or small, you DESERVE to be proud of yourself! You DESERVE to boost your confidence! I make a habit of looking back, and then thinking of all the ways Ive progressed! Im no longer anorexic Jodie IM JODIE FUCKING LEIGH WHO IS ADMIN FOR A CAR GROUP, WHO MAKES A DIFFERENCE IN CHILDRENS LIFES EVERY DAY, WHO EATS WHEN SHE FUCKING WANTS, LOOKS AFTER HERSELF, CAN PICK UP HER GOD CHILDREN AND NOT BREAK A BONE AND IM AWESOME! And thats what you need to say babies, whether you manage a step or a mile, youre a god damn warrior. You are brave. You are strong. You were put onto this earth for a reason even if you havent found it yet. You deserve food. You deserve fun. Think to the future! What do you want from life? I want to train to be a teacher, get a place, get a new car, have children etc... And none of that I could do with anorexia sat there. Dont let her cloud your judgement. Youre on this earth once, and she wants to take you off all too quickly. Shes nothing. A waste of space. A nuisance. Fuck her off. And flourish!🌼 Remember Im always here for support, and I believe in every single one of you. Id like to do a live Q&A Sunday so comment your questions! 🌻 #staysafe #selflove #anorexiakills #anorexia #recoverforfamily #recovertogether #recoverforlife #recoverforfriends #recoveryisworthit #recoverforboobs #recoverforlove #ednos #selfcare #bodypositive #comparisonphoto #comparisonpic #positivity #ptsdrecovery #ptsdawareness #throwback

Hello babies, your support on my last post was absolutely incredible💖 Im still struggling with the PTSD a lot, but Im still swimming🐙 and I thought Id share some pictures with you from my weekend in Brighton🌈 When anorexia was involved, I would never have had so much fun. As you can see I was swinging from trees like a monkey, exploring beautiful nature, being FREE🌞 My legs carried my weight beautifully, my arms were strong enough to pull me up. Physically I felt like Id never been ill. And actually, I forgot. I had many moments of complete emptiness inside my brain, which was so peaceful. Instead of getting a moments silence and being roared at by her, I had the moments silence and... Silent. And it allowed me to think of the things I wanted to be thinking off! For example taking part in a new series on BBC3 to discuss surviving and beating anorexia and starting the filming soon😍 and the fact I have my third godchild on the way😍 and that its my birthday in a couple of months! (star wars day may 4th😉) What Im trying to say, is that anorexia makes you feel that her opinions are more important than hers, that you are unnecessary and stupid. But its pure tranquillity when shes gone and you can sit and think inside your own brain without feeling unsafe, or vulnerable. I wouldnt have been able to live life like I am with her still dominating me, so she had to go. She may have claimed to love me, but shes a liar. You dont destroy someone you love, you dont constantly make them feel worthless, you dont pick on them about their weight, you dont laugh at them to make them feel conscious, you dont turn them against their friends so they become isolated and trapped by you. If youre reading this anorexia, no matter whos brain you are inflicting, youre not my friend babes🖕and I will help anyone to realise that you arent their friend either. Anorexia is a bully, she kills and feeds of the bones of her victims. She doesnt deserve your love. And you dont deserve her pain. BE FREE EXPLORE THE GORGEOUS LITTLE ROCKS AND MISSHAPEN TREES AND AWKWARD FLOWERS AND CLIMB TREES AND SIT ON 8TH FLOOR WINDOWSILL IN A T-SHIRT AND PANTS AND HAVE A COFFEE.

That One... She is special to me... 68 Years Ago Today... One of the most musically inclined women in history was born... And for 32 years she spent every single day trying to be all things to all people and she failed... She was someones Daughter, Sister, Band Mate, Soul Mate, impeccable drummer... Great friend to all... Amazing song writer... And she had one of the most hauntingly beautiful voices of ALL TIME... but in the end she was also a perfectionist, a self loathing person, and eventually a full blown Anorexic... She would be the first Famous Person to publicly loose that battle and I will miss her forever and a day... As Time Goes By... Im gonna find a big piece of cake and eat it all... Just for her... #onthisday #onthisdayinhistory #onthisdayinmusichistory #anelephantnvr4gets #rememberingkarencarpenter #karencarpenter #thegreatkarencarpenter #musiclegend #hauntingvoice #musicicon #musichistory #drummersdoitbetter #ilovedrummers #imgoinghomewiththedrummer #gonetoosoon #gonebutneverforgotten #thecarpenters #rainydaysandmondays #superstar #dontyourememberyoutoldmeyoulovedmebaby #anorexiakills #gethelp #eatingdisorderskill #godblesskarencarpenter #history #historychick #historynerd #historygeek #historygirl

The POWer of POW - Its National Eating Disorder Awareness Week (Feb 26-March 4). A brave testimony about finding the inner strength to ignite a mental change and use exercise to ADD to your life, not subtract numbers on a scale. 💥 @alexannmorrison If you need help or want to help ➡️ nedawareness.org || BODYpow gave me a reason to enjoy working out again. Going from a buff college swimmer to wasting away at the mercy of an eating disordered mind warped the meaning of exercise in a girl for whom perfectionism was already a struggle. Running 10 miles per day on an empty stomach does not make you feel strong physically or mentally, despite what your mind may trick you into thinking. The POWer of POW teaches what exercise can ADD to your life, not how it can subtract numbers on a scale or inches between your thighs. It empowers you to do you, unapologetically, whether you feel like giving 30% or 150% on a given day. Long gone are the days when Id run 10 miles and finish feeling broken down and fatigued. BODYpow put the fun back into working out and now I feel strong and emPOWered at the end of my workouts. 💥 Thank you for all of the positive in a culture that praises your quantity of negative space. 🙏🏻  #ad #youdoyou #choosemusclesoverbones #bodypow || #NEDawarenessweek #neda #eatingdisorder #revovery #ifyouseesomethingsaysomething #anorexiakills #bodypowlive #bodyweightworkout #strong #strength #choosefitness #fitlife #POWerofPOW #pow ➡️http://BODYpow.com/live

Gnocci, veg and cheese sauce. The cheesy sauce was 1/2 spoon of olive oil, flour, almond milk, onion, garlic and 1 tablespoon nootch. Can tell you, that dinner was heaven! Sending lots of love and strength to everyone, who had the patience to read the caption. 😝 What are we eating for? We eat to nourish our body, so damaged tissue can be repaired and weve got energy to actually be able to enjoy life. So why do we starve ourself, why do we damage that precious body we got. What do you get out of listening to the destructive voices. Right: Literally nothing that weighs out m not to being able to survive. #vegan #veganrecipes #vegandinner #vegangnocchi #getyourveggies #anorexiarecovery #anarecovery #edrecovery #edfamilly #anorexiakills #foodisfuel #foodismedicine #nourishyourself #eattherainbow

Y-E-S ! This picture Is the Face Of a True Winner Celebrating life for 14 years today After recovering of dreadful anorexia No shocking pictures of a living corpse, for anorexia has a truly evil face, and evil deserves no face. N-O ! This is a tribute to all strongest (wo)men, who have stepped out of themselves to tackle the biggest of all challenges, and find joy in life again #nomoretaboo #sickofit #overcominganorexia #anorexiakills #anorexianervosa #strongisthenewskinny #nothingwillstopme #proud #nochallengetoobig #bendablenotbreakble #theonlywayisup #notoriousrunner #believeinyourself #youaretitanium #tarmactrut

35 years ago today on February 4th 1983,  A mother walked up the stairs to wake her daughter for breakfast, when she knocked and got no answer she opened the door to find her daughter sprawled out, face down on the floor in front of her closet, obviously dead... Tho they tried to save her. That girl was 32 year old Karen Carpenter. One of the greatest, most haunting voices of all time and One half of the world famous group The Carpenters Along with her brother, Richard, they created some of the best songs of all time. As beautiful and talented as the world saw her, she was filled with terrible demons that refused to allow her to see how amazing she truly was. She was the first famous person to publicly battle Anorexia Nervosa and The first famous person to publicly loose that battle. How I wish she could have know what she truly meant to this world, the world of music, and how much she is missed... May she forever Rest In Peace and may her talent, her story, and her voice live forever... #onthisday #onthisdayinhistory #onthisdayinmusichistory #musiclegend #hauntingvoice #thecarpenters #anelephantnvr4gets #gonetoosoon #gonebutnotforgotten #anorexiakills #karencarpenter #rememberingkarencarpenter #ripkarencarpenter #legends #legendsneverdie #ilovedrummers #imgoinghomewiththedrummer #drummersaresexy

35 years ago today on February 4th 1983,  A mother walked up the stairs to wake her daughter for breakfast, when she knocked and got no answer she opened the door to find her daughter sprawled out, face down on the floor in front of her closet, obviously dead... Tho they tried to save her. That girl was 32 year old Karen Carpenter. One of the greatest, most haunting voices of all time and One half of the world famous group The Carpenters Along with her brother, Richard, they created some of the best songs of all time. As beautiful and talented as the world saw her, she was filled with terrible demons that refused to allow her to see how amazing she truly was. She was the first famous person to publicly battle Anorexia Nervosa and The first famous person to publicly loose that battle. How I wish she could have know what she truly meant to this world, the world of music, and how much she is missed... May she forever Rest In Peace and may her talent, her story, and her voice live forever... #onthisday #onthisdayinhistory #onthisdayinmusichistory #musiclegend #hauntingvoice #thecarpenters #anelephantnvr4gets #gonetoosoon #gonebutnotforgotten #anorexiakills #karencarpenter #rememberingkarencarpenter #ripkarencarpenter #legends #legendsneverdie #ilovedrummers #imgoinghomewiththedrummer #drummersaresexy

35 years ago today on February 4th 1983,  A mother walked up the stairs to wake her daughter for breakfast, when she knocked and got no answer she opened the door to find her daughter sprawled out, face down on the floor in front of her closet, obviously dead... Tho they tried to save her. That girl was 32 year old Karen Carpenter. One of the greatest, most haunting voices of all time and One half of the world famous group The Carpenters Along with her brother, Richard, they created some of the best songs of all time. As beautiful and talented as the world saw her, she was filled with terrible demons that refused to allow her to see how amazing she truly was. She was the first famous person to publicly battle Anorexia Nervosa and The first famous person to publicly loose that battle. How I wish she could have know what she truly meant to this world, the world of music, and how much she is missed... May she forever Rest In Peace and may her talent, her story, and her voice live forever... #onthisday #onthisdayinhistory #onthisdayinmusichistory #musiclegend #hauntingvoice #thecarpenters #anelephantnvr4gets #gonetoosoon #gonebutnotforgotten #anorexiakills #karencarpenter #rememberingkarencarpenter #ripkarencarpenter #legends #legendsneverdie #ilovedrummers #imgoinghomewiththedrummer #drummersaresexy

35 years ago today on February 4th 1983,  A mother walked up the stairs to wake her daughter for breakfast, when she knocked and got no answer she opened the door to find her daughter sprawled out, face down on the floor in front of her closet, obviously dead... Tho they tried to save her. That girl was 32 year old Karen Carpenter. One of the greatest, most haunting voices of all time and One half of the world famous group The Carpenters Along with her brother, Richard, they created some of the best songs of all time. As beautiful and talented as the world saw her, she was filled with terrible demons that refused to allow her to see how amazing she truly was. She was the first famous person to publicly battle Anorexia Nervosa and The first famous person to publicly loose that battle. How I wish she could have know what she truly meant to this world, the world of music, and how much she is missed... May she forever Rest In Peace and may her talent, her story, and her voice live forever... #onthisday #onthisdayinhistory #onthisdayinmusichistory #musiclegend #hauntingvoice #thecarpenters #anelephantnvr4gets #gonetoosoon #gonebutnotforgotten #anorexiakills #karencarpenter #rememberingkarencarpenter #ripkarencarpenter #legends #legendsneverdie #ilovedrummers #imgoinghomewiththedrummer #drummersaresexy

35 years ago today on February 4th 1983,  A mother walked up the stairs to wake her daughter for breakfast, when she knocked and got no answer she opened the door to find her daughter sprawled out, face down on the floor in front of her closet, obviously dead... Tho they tried to save her. That girl was 32 year old Karen Carpenter. One of the greatest, most haunting voices of all time and One half of the world famous group The Carpenters Along with her brother, Richard, they created some of the best songs of all time. As beautiful and talented as the world saw her, she was filled with terrible demons that refused to allow her to see how amazing she truly was. She was the first famous person to publicly battle Anorexia Nervosa and The first famous person to publicly loose that battle. How I wish she could have know what she truly meant to this world, the world of music, and how much she is missed... May she forever Rest In Peace and may her talent, her story, and her voice live forever... #onthisday #onthisdayinhistory #onthisdayinmusichistory #musiclegend #hauntingvoice #thecarpenters #anelephantnvr4gets #gonetoosoon #gonebutnotforgotten #anorexiakills #karencarpenter #rememberingkarencarpenter #ripkarencarpenter #legends #legendsneverdie #ilovedrummers #imgoinghomewiththedrummer #drummersaresexy

Started off only 4 weeks ago as a size 10/12 now Im a size 6/8! Its not even healthy weight loss #size6 #anorexiakills #anorexianervosa #eatingdisorderhelp #notproana #gainweight #anorexiarecovery #stress #stresstrigger #youwontwin

Anorexia nervosa has the highest death rate of all mental illnesses. I myself was almost a statistic. You think you have control over your life only to find too late that it is the anorexia that is controlling you. There is nothing good or romantic about eating disorders. They kill. Please seek the help you need ASAP. . #mentalillnessawareness #mentalhealthawareness #mentalillness #anorexianervosa #anorexiarecovery #anorexic #anorexiakills #seriousdisorder #gethelp #askforhelp #recoveryisworthit #recovery #depressed #depression #starvationcausesdeath #bipolar #borderlinepersonalitydisorder #anxietydisorder #panicdisorder #eatingdisorders #endthestigma #follow4follow

I heard the statistic tonight that 25% of People with eating disorders will die from it. • And I’m struggling to view it as a just a statistic. Not a challenge. Not a promise. Just a statistic. One that I don’t have to become. • Because that means there are 75% who don’t. • And I’d much rather fight to be part of that group. • #recovery #realrecovery #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #justbreathe #anorexiakills #mentalhealth #onedayatatime #soberlife

My health prob has visited me again. Anorexia made me incredibly disturb emotionally, mentally and physically. Ive been fighting and struggling to control everything that comes to.my.mind. But here I am getting used of not eating again for more than 3 days already and when people ask about what will I eat. I can hardly say a foods name since I wouldnt want a food in front of me. Im sorry for people whos getting affected unintentionally. I know.that no one will ever understand this mental health problem I have. I just have to keep it to myself a lot of times. :/ #ICanControlIt #IcryOverNightsBecauseOfThis #AnorexiaKills #ImTrying Here I am trying to think out of the budget given, what should I eat and all I can say is that Im not hungry.

Please don’t starve yourself guys. Your pretty the way you are! You have way too much to live for. #youmattertome #anorexiakills #selfesteem #staystrong #youmatter #loveyourself

One of the health issues with having an eating disorders face is vitamin d deficiency. From years of disordered patterns Ive had a few vitamin d deficiencies. Ive ruined one of my hip bones.. Its been hit and condensed in on itself like a crunchy bar. In this picture I was also on a heart monitor because low weight stresses the heart. When you dont eat your body eats itself. It eats fat...but it also eats muscle. Your body releases adrenaline to keep you going chemically which stresses the heart. My heart gets a bit jumpy so they put me on a machine for a week that would set an alarm off if I went into cardiac arrest. Eating disorders arent a fashion statement. They are hell and if you think youre having fun then youre kidding yourself. Also another fun fact.. Anorexics often have high iqs but via not eating their ability to think decreases because the brain isnt functioning due to being starved of what it needs #throwback #ngtube #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #eatingdisorder #ednos #ednosrecovery #mentalhealth #anorexiakills #mentaldisorder #vitaminddeficiency

. . Anorexia can strike at any age. Yes, it most frequently emerges in teenage years but it can develop at any stage of life. At its worse it may even develop in childhood & become chronic, continuing throughout adulthood. . At each age its impact is different & the reasons to recover will change. . As a teenager you miss out on education, getting qualifications, college, university, shopping with friends, nights out, first boyfriends & learning to drive. . In your 20s you miss out on your first job, a blossoming career, buying your first home, travel, relationships & discovering yourself. . In your 30s you miss out on marriage, having children, coffee & cake with friends, stable relationships, promotion & family holidays. . In your 40s you miss out on financial stability, watching your children grow up, close friendships, baking with the kids & being comfortable in your own skin. . In your 50s you miss out on watching your children head off to university & start their own lives, the freedom to travel, starting new hobbies and time for yourself. . In your 60s you miss out on becoming a grandparent, enjoying good health, retiring & enjoying the free time that comes with it & happy, long term friendships. . At the end you miss out on having a fascinating life story to tell, happy memories, contentment & a life fulfilled. . And for what? Being thin? Reaching your goal weight? Fitting into tiny skinny jeans? Being a good anorexic? Or perhaps you didnt make it this far because you were one of the 20% whose lives are claimed early by this insidious illness. . Choose recovery whatever your age. Youve missed out on enough already. Please dont miss out on any more ✨💖💫 . . . #chooserecovery #youcanrecover #recoveryvsrelapse #anorexiakills #livelife #lifeisforliving

. . Anorexia is a strange, insidious illness. Not only does it want to kill you, it also convinces you that youre not even ill. It really messes with your head. . Because it robs you of your self confidence and self esteem it leaves you feeling too unworthy to even deserve the label of anorexic. Unworthy of the diagnosis. Unworthy of treatment. Unworthy of being loved. . It convinces you that you dont look ill enough. That people will laugh if they heard your diagnosis. How can she be anorexic? Look at the size of her! . So you resist treatment. You cant understand why everyones worried about you. Surely theyre overreacting? You dont look ill so you cant be ill. You know people who arent even anorexic who are thinner than you. Maybe if you just lost a little more weight... . ...so thats what you do. But you still dont look thin and you dont look ill. You dont feel ill. You feel absolutely fine. You cant understand why your doctor is now threatening hospitalisation. Theres no way you could walk onto an eating disorder unit. Youd be mortified. Youve seen the people in there and they look really sick. Barely alive. . But thats what happens. Your doctors say enough is enough. Your weight is critically low. Your blood results worrying. Your body struggling and about to give up. You have no choice. . You arrive on the ward and look around with horror. You knew it! Youre the biggest person in there! The shame of it. You dont belong here. If only theyd let you have just a little bit longer. So you could lose a little bit more. So you could look like them. . But you already do. Without treatment you would be dead. Anorexia lied to you. Youre more sick than youll ever know. . But regardless of weight, anyone with an eating disorder deserves treatment. You shouldnt have to get more ill to get help. Its far easier to treat anorexia if intervention happens sooner. . But remember, youll never be sick enough for the anorexia. At least, not until youre dead. Choose recovery ✨💖💫 . . . #anorexiakills #chooserecovery #youareworthy #notsickenough

TW - - hahahH Im feeling like shit after that meal. I dont have a fear of gaining weight on the scale but I have a massive fear of gaining solid LARD. I feel like the food I just ate was too high calorie and my body wont have any idea what to do with it. I believe its processing it as fat sacs as we speak. The waist and belly I worked so hard on will be puffy and an untoned mass of fat when I wake up tomorrow. I wish I couldnt believe it, but my ed has fucked with my head so much. I want to restrict tomorrow and food is starting to not even fun anymore, its becoming a chore that I dont want to worry about :/ #anorexiakills #anorexiarecovery #foodguilt #bodyimage #edfighter #edwarrior

. . When you have suffered some kind of trauma its bound to leave behind painful scars and traumatic memories. At some point these need to be dealt with and filed away where they belong. . You need therapy and professional help to process them, to make sure that your thought processes and perceptions are corrected and that you are able to move on. . Trauma is all too often accompanied by mental illness. In my case anorexia, PTSD, anxiety and depression. You cant tackle these and fully recover until youve dealt with the trauma. . You can try and bury the traumatic memories that triggered your illnesses and you can try to hide from them. But they will always resurface and come back to haunt you. I buried my memories for nearly 20 years before it suddenly cropped up after being triggered by bullying at work. And the anorexia returned. Only stronger this time. . Eating disorders are particularly vicious. Anorexia wants you dead and it wont leave you alone until you either die or recover. . You can try and bury those memories 6 feet under but dont let anorexia do the same to you. You deserve better. The trauma wasnt your fault. The eating disorder isnt your fault. You dont need to hurt yourself and punish yourself any more. . Get help and be kind to yourself. Give yourself time to heal both physically and emotionally. It wont happen overnight. It will take a lot of hard work and a lot of it will be very painful but it will be worth it in the end. Empty your head of the pain from the trauma and that insidious voice of anorexia. . File those memories away properly. By all means bury them 6 feet under once you have healed if that helps but dont ever let anorexia do the same to you ✨💖💫 . . . #trauma #traumaticmemories #processtrauma #traumatherapy #therapy #painfulmemories #chooserecovery #fightana #fightanorexia #anorexiakills

I went to a Mexican Restaurant and had such a lovely time 😊 I ended up getting a vegetable quesadilla filled with yellow peppers, zucchini, carrots, tomatoes, and broccoli! The tortilla was HUGE and I had to unfortunately rip off some of it, BUT OMF THE DOUGH was SO flaky and CHEWY 😋. The first quesadilla I got had a ton of cheese on it 🙃 because i forgot to veganize it = me almost having an anxiety attack and I had to give it back for another.(no cheese) I also had 5 tortilla chips, which is a lot for me so?? #anorexiawin #edrecovery #anorexiakills #orthorexia #orthorexiarecovery #selflove #edwin #recoverywin

#tbt...then (middle) and now (right/left). The picture in middle was one of the worst days of my life when I entered into rehab for the next 3 months to face my eating disorder head on. The 1st month I fought the program and lost even more weight to a whooping 80lbs. After 3 months, I didnt leave cured but with a plan to stay alive and fight this disease. I spent the next many years hiding the continued struggle and did the bare minimum to survive and avoid peoples concern. It wasnt until I found crossfit that my life and love for myself changed. Seeing so many strong and confident women of all shapes and sizes love themselves and strive to be a better and healthier person was encouraging. To this crossfit world the word diet did not mean restricting all foods to rabbit food and working out to eliminate any calories ingested, but rather a lifestyle of fueling the body with good quality foods in quantities to support performance, brain function and general health. It didnt take long for me to get on board with this way of living. And thats exactly what happened.....I began to live. I am forever thankful to the Lord for bringing me out of this disease and allowing me to find something that gets me fired up daily and forces me to be a better me. And to all those who have helped me along this journey. The girl on the right and left is a much happier, alive, and healthier person and almost 50lbs heavier. Swipe to see my recovery chips and other funny now and thens #anorexiakills #ED #livingisbetter #crossfit #tolive #theLordismystrength @crossfitgames @opexathlete @barthwhitney @crossfit

Los n I have seen each other through some not so proud moments in life. Clearly, this was one of mine.... and no Ive never done drugs. 0isNotaSize4me #eathealthy #anorexiakills #cnj0926

#Anorexia kills! If it doesnt it makes you #ugly. Admit it, no one falls for #collarbones, #rips (excerpt on a BBQ) or a #spine that looks like an #exotic instrument. Thanks to my #friends and my first love I recognized around fourteen years ago that I was on a very unhealthy way and I returned to normality, if this is even possible, since youll never get rid of the calory counting. Have an eye on your loved ones! #anorexiakills #bonesarentsexy #behealthynotskinny

Went out tonight and had a delicious meal! Vegan paella with vegetables and soyrizo, grilled asparagus, breaded and roasted onions and kohlrabi steak 🤤❤️ I love it when restaurants have vegan menus! . #anorexiakills #anorexia #anorexiarecovery #anorexiasurvivor #edfighter #edwarrior #edrecovery #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #vegan #veganfood #recoveryispossible #recoveryisworthit #vegandinner

. Anorexia is such a strange illness, so difficult to explain and understand even if youre a sufferer yourself. Its very illogical and unpredictable. . Once youre on the road to recovery, youll have days where you long to fall back into the illness. The illness that nearly killed you. The illness that caused so much pain and suffering to both you and your loved ones. The illness that pushed away your friends, ruined your career and interrupted your studies. And yet you are enticed back to it again and again. . Its like a place of safety. Somewhere where you can relieve yourself of all of your worries and problems and check out of life for a while. Even being inpatient can be very comforting sometimes. No decisions, nowhere to go, nothing to do. . But you cant stay in that place. This illness will pull you back down fast. It hasnt given up on its attempt to take your life. Always remember that when youre tempted back there. . Recovery is learning to let go of the illness. Finding other coping strategies. Talking rather than bottling it all up. Doing the opposite of the ever constant anorexic voice in your head. Challenging yourself every day until the challenging things become normal. . You have a life to lead and anorexia is not a life. You may think it is at times but thats just the illness talking. Its made you forget how to live. You need to relearn what freedom and happiness feel like. What independence and choice are. What a life without constant medical appointments is like. How good fit and healthy feels. What laughing with your friends is like. How to live again. . Say goodbye to anorexia. You dont need her any more. Youve replaced her with real life and that feels so much better ✨💖💫 . . . #chooserecovery #youhavealifetolive #chooselife #nomoreanorexia #anorexiakills #anorexiaisnotmyfriend

You cant be anorexic, youre not skinny enough! Excuse me? Since when did a MENTAL ILLNESS come with a size requirement? Having suffered myself (experience speaks) its got so much to do with your mind and the way your mind is working, the weight loss is really more like a side effect if I can put it like that. Of course, the extreme weight loss is what causes the body to shut down and eventually cease, but even those not extremely underweight but suffering arent living... Your mind is constantly ravaged by thoughts of self hatred and starvation, and to have people to then call you a liar and a fake, that youre not anorexic because youre not thin enough? Throwing salt in the wounds... Please, if your perception is that the only people suffering from an eating disorder are walking bones, think again, and change that. . . . #beatit #anorexiakills #recoveredanorexic #recovery #recoveryistheonlyoption #youcan #youwill #bekindtoyourself #loveyourself #selflovewins #selfconfidence

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